PVC's/Bigeminy. That's what they called it this time. When I woke up in the morning I could tell instantly that something was off. I felt like there was a balloon in my chest. Not pressure or pain, but a fullness that s hard to explain. (The rhyme there was accidental, but cool, anyway...) I am pretty used to these palpitations. Had them for years, and after years of panicking to the point of a panic attack I have learned to just take a deep breath and let them pass. This time, though, there was no passing. I waited and waited, then I felt like the thumps were making me cough. When I coughed to the point of vomiting a little voice in my head so "Uh-oh". After an straight hour with non-stop palpitations I looked at my husband and said I need to go the E.R. now. Since my mom works next door she was able to take me. I have to admit, with no offense to anyone, that I dreaded going to Sierra View. Past experiences there have been bad, and for awhile when I went I had a feeling they didn't take me seriously. (Whether the symptoms are physiological or mental, they are still real to the person feeling them.) I was glad when I got to the E.R. because no one else was there. They took me in right away, got me hooked up to a billion machines and said I was "in PVC's". This was already about two hours in to non-stop palpitations. I felt weak and nauseous. They didn't do much for me. Mostly just watching the monitors, but I felt alot safer there than I would have at home (I don't own a crash cart). After about three hours I had to get up out of bed because I felt a surge of anxiety, like I was crawling out of my skin. That scared me because I didn't know where it was coming form. Was it really anxiety or was it the "impending doom" people feel right before they have a heart attack? I let the nurse know and she came back with medication. Ativan (my new best friend) right into the blood stream. So it turns out that it was anxiety, because the medication helped. After four hours in the E.R. I was taken to my lovely studio suite on the 2nd floor with a view of the rooftop and windows. I looked around and thought, Lord what the heck is happening? I was begging in my mind for God to please make it stop. It did stop after 12 hours. yep, that's right, 12 hours of heart palpitations! I woke up with a sore chest, like someone had been pounding on it all night, but the palpitations were gone. I found out that PVC's are considered Bigeminy when two occur one right after the other with no normal heart beat in between. That could lead to Trigeminy, which can lead to V Fib, which can lead to death. Death. I am obsessed with death. Don't get me wrong, I am not suicidal or homicidal, just can't get death out of my head. The first thing I look at when I open the paper are the obituaries. I look at people's names and ages. Read about their lives. It is interesting to me, makes me very sad and I know it's making me crazy. But I didn't die. I'm here at home, sitting in my sweat pants, writing this blog. I get another chance to get up and watch my baby sleep. Another chance to kiss my husband and tell him I love him. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells though, and I hate that. I was started on a new medication. One that will help my blood pressure and my palpitations. I DID NOT read the possible side effects (someone with anxiety should NEVER do that) because I knew it would make me nuts. I trust in my God. I know he is with me. He goes before me in every step of my life. These trials have purpose and I can't hardly wait to find out what that purpose is. I will give big ups to Sierra View. From the minute I walked in there I encountered the most caring, competent people I ever met there. I don't ever want to go back, but if I had to it would be with a little less doubt in what I was going to encounter.
So it's a new day, with new things to learn, for now I think I'll just go outside and watch the sunrise...I've never done that before...
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