Tuesday, January 31, 2012

My new addiction is saltine crackers.  When I was in my late teens I went through this phase where I would just sit and munch on saltine crackers and now I am re-living that I guess.  I am feeling better.  The new medication the doctors gave me at the hospital was suffocating me.  Literally.  I felt like I couldn't breathe and, when I went to the doctor and she checked me out, it turns out I really couldn't.  I got a breathing treatment, a different medication, and (thank God) lungs full of air again!  I took another week off of work.  I am afraid that I will lose my job but I can't do anything about that.  It's funny that for awhile I didn't care about my job, regretted ever getting one, and was convinced that I somehow betrayed my husband and daughter by even getting a job...now...I don't know how to be home!  I mean I'm sure I could get used to it again but I have actually been enjoying my work the past couple of months.  It has helped me in so many ways. There is the obvious financial gain (who really cares, not me really...really I don't) okay I admit it's been nice, but it's also given me the opportunity to get closer to people I probably would've never met any other way.  I am reconnecting with people I haven't seen in years and getting to know people who I may have had the opportunity to grow up with had my parents' relationship gone differently.  I like it.  I feel like I have a place there.  Whether or not I really do I don't know but I do feel like it.  So I'm praying that they understand, I would much rather be at work than home because my heart decided to skip a few beats!!!  We'll see what happens.
While I'm home I would love to say I am exercising and getting it together but that would be a lie.  To be honest I'm afraid to exercise that it's going to get me right back to the palpitations...but I can't let that fear cripple me forever...the whole point of this blog is my journey to weight loss.  I knew it was going to turn into something different but I had no idea it would be so soon.  So getting back to the business at hand I can report that I ate a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast with the last of the 2% milk (1% here we come, eeewwww) and now I am munching on crackers.  Thinking about having a banana.  No exercise to log in, like I said I'm scared right now so I'll wait.  It's almost time for me to weigh myself again. First of the month!  As I stuff another cracker in my mouth.....

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