Down to the Core

This morning I read a web article that showed 25 women and their amazing weight loss results.  What was interesting to me is that these women all used something different to help them lose weight.  Different diets.  Different exercises.  Different apps and programs.  The article was a list of 25 different things that have worked to help people lose weight.  The truth of the matter is though, that article could have listed 25 million different ways people have lost weight...and every one of those points would have been valid to someone, somewhere in the world.  What stood out to me loud and clear was not the 25 things that were different...but the 1 thing they all had in common...they wanted it.  They wanted to lose the weight.  They wanted to accomplish their goals.  They wanted to succeed.  They wanted it so badly that they did it.  And really that's what it all comes down to.  How bad do you want it?  I have had this blog for a few years now.  When I started it I wanted it to be mostly about my weight loss journey.  After reading it I realized it took a different path.  I do not mind sharing my life with whomever wants to take the time to read about it.  I find blogging to be fun and therapeutic.  I censor as I feel necessary and only share what I am brave enough to share at the time I'm writing.  I have read, in all of my fitness magazines, that it is important for your core to be strong.  So I am going to strengthen mine.  My core to my mental health is saying what I need to say.  Crying and laughing and treating each day as a gift.  My core to my spiritual health is being in the word daily.  Remembering Creator's promises and believing them to be true.  Connecting with people who can teach me knew things and listening to some hella (90's reference word!!! What?!?!) good worship music.  And my core to my physical well being is doing what I need to do to have it.  Eating right...not dieting.  Exercising...but making it fun not work.  And making it a lifestyle change.  And using this blog. For what I had originally intended it to be.  To motivate myself.  To share my struggles and success.  To inspire.   I need to get back to the core of The Double Chin Diaries...so here we go...

Hello.  My name is Jeanette...and I am a compulsive over eater.

Don't Go There

I was driving to work today and just ahead of me I noticed a dog trying to get across the freeway. Out loud in my car I said "oh no puppy...you're gonna get hurt"...I slowed down hoping to give the dog enough time to get across and hoping that I wasn't putting myself or any other drivers in danger because of my decrease in speed.  I watched as the dog ran across the freeway...and...to my relief...make it to the other side.  The dog wasn't even safe for a few seconds when he turned around and ran right back onto the road and was hit.  From what I saw he didn't get up and run away...so I have to assume he is now in doggie heaven.  I still had about a 20 minute drive up to my job.  I was thinking about the dog...about how he had already made it...he was already safe...and he turned around and got crushed...and I couldn't help but consider how many times I have done that.  How many times have I made it to safety and turned around and went back?  If it has been more than one time, should it be?  Should it take more than one time of running through traffic for me to know it's not good for me?  When is the last time going to be the last time...when I get crushed?  When I can't get up and run away anymore?  I am not referring to any one particular thing here.  Rather I am referring to the many bad decisions I have made over the 41 years I have been on this earth.  Don't get me wrong...I have taken every bad experience and have tried and succeeded in finding a lesson in all of them.  Some lessons I understand right away...others I don't...but each experience has a lesson just the same.  My goal this year is to know when I have made it to safety...and to be so sure about it...so comfortable in it...and so satisfied with it that there is no way in hell that I will turn around and run back.  There is nothing there for me...and there is nothing there for you...so let's promise each other that when we get to safety...we will just stay still.

She Used to Be Mine...

"She Used To Be Mine" (Sara Bareilles)

It's not simple to say
That most days I don't recognize me
That these shoes and this apron
That place and it's patrons
Have taken more than I gave them
It's not easy to know
I'm not anything like I used to be
Although it's true
I was never attention's sweet center
I still remember that girl

She's imperfect but she tries
She is good but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won't ask for help
She is messy but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up
And baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone but she used to be mine

It's not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person
And makes you believe it's all true
And now I've got you
And you're not what I asked for
If I'm honest I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over
And rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew

Who'll be reckless just enough
Who'll get hurt but
Who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised
And gets used by a man who can't love
And then she'll get stuck and be scared
Of the life that's inside her
Growing stronger each day
'Til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little
To bring back the fire in her eyes
That's been gone but it used to be mine

Used to be mine
She is messy but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone but she used to be mine

I heard this sing on the radio today, and I felt it, because I have lived it, because maybe, deep down inside...and maybe not so deep inside...I'm still living it now...