40 by 40

So it's safe to say I'm over it.  I'm over feeling like crap because of a bad decision I made.  I'm over it because the people I love are getting over it...and forgiveness is a beautiful thing.  At first I felt as if my getting over it and trying to go on like "normal" would be disrespectful...like I didn't care enough to be remorseful.  Turns out that my getting back to normal is exactly what the "victims" of my thoughtless actions want from me.  Turns out that things getting back to normal is exactly what I want to.  Like I said forgiveness is a beautiful thing.  And because I can now see it again...the beauty in my life...now more than ever...I need to get my control back.  So I have come up with my own campaign (if you will)...the "40 by 40 Project".  My 40th birthday is on November 21st...so my gift to myself is to lose 40 pounds by the time I turn 40.  That gives me about 5 months...which I believe is do-able.  It gives me enough time to take my time and think about what I'm doing without the stress that would make me starve myself to reach my goals.  I want the results to last way past 40...but when I step onto that Grand Canyon Skywalk on my birthday I want to know that, not only did I go see something that my late great father said was the most amazing thing he's ever seen...but I will do it knowing that I finally "did it"...I finally set a weight loss goal and met it.  No excuses. No regrets.  Just results of hard work and dedication.  I will post more frequently than usual.  I will also weigh myself more regularly which I admit makes me nervous...but I don't think that getting on a scale should ever make me as anxious as it does...so I am prepared to look that bitch right in the eye and say "you don't scare me"...and I'm looking forward to the day that I will actually mean it!  I am going to post some pictures...measurements...and all that good stuff so that you all can see my progress...and I can have one hell of a story when all of this is done.  Of course I don't want it to ever be done...but I don't want it to always be a struggle.  I will be seeing a counselor to maintain (or regain I should say!!!) a healthy mental state.  I won't compare myself to anyone or anything else...because I am just me and I'm good with that.  I have been doing well lately (well up until my point of total failure) and I can say I am proud of what I have accomplished.  Since November I have lost 25 pounds.  Not with consistent working at it but with sporadic efforts...but you know what...I'm better than that...and I deserve to give myself all I've got.  So 40 by 40 it is...and 40 by 40 it will be!!!