Baby Steps

I met with a nutritionist from UC Davis today (isn't tele-health the best invention ever?!?!) and...well...to keep it real...she didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know myself.  She was very nice though, and she seemed like she would be very supportive.  She gave me some menu options so I can plan my meals, told me I need to cut out the soda (NOOOOO!!!!! I will not allow my Dr. Pepper to be disrespected like that!!!), and said I should keep a food diary.  None of those things seem impossible...so why haven't I done them before?  I really can't answer that except to say that I guess I've just been lazy, unwilling, unmotivated (okay I guess I can answer that!!!)  I like that I am going to meet with her again in a month, because I already feel like I have to get something accomplished to report to her...I feel like meeting with her will force me to be accountable.  As an adult I should be able to be accountale for my actions, including what I eat. I've never been under a nutritionists care before and I am excited about it.  Tomorrow I meet with the psychiatrist...yes I said psychiatrist.  I know for a fact that I am an emotional over eater and it's time for me to deal with the root of where that all comes from. I don't know what I am going to discover (or should I say uncover) about myself during this journey but I am willing to accept and face whatever comes along.  I realize that a healthy lifestyle means more than just diet and exercising.  It means being able to cope with life as it happens. Not how I wish or want or need it to happen, but just how it happens to happen, because I have no control over that.  I can control how I react and that's it. And although I am very much adapted to reacting with a chocolate chip cookie in my hand...I am more than positive that there are better ways.  Baby steps are better than no steps at all.  All of us started out by pulling ourselves around on our bellies!!! Of course I never imagined my belly would get so heavy!!!  Time to lighten the load...not just the load on my belly but the load in my heart.  Lord help me to be ready for this...because only You can make me ready!  On a sad note my little old neighbor lady died today...just about an hour ago actually.  She was old and sick.  Though I don't know her age or what ailed her exactly.  I have known her since I was in the 8th grade...a very long time now...and it just makes me so sad.  I also wonder how my babygirl is going to react when I tell her the news in the morning.  You see, my daughter is just as anxious a person as I am (all my fault!) and I dread having to tell her this.  But she, as well as I, believes in heaven.  And I believe my little old neighbor lady is rejoicing with her husband and her children that have gone before her.  As I stood there by her bedside.  I heard her grad daughter talking about how much she was at peace "now".  I can't help but long for that peace sometimes.  And although I know I will get there someday I do not want to be in heaven to have to experience that peace "now".  Hmmm...I it's gonna be a long night of thinking....and maybe some tears...