Today's Thoughts

There's a song by R. Kelly called "Bump N' Grind" (ridiculous...I know...but stay with me) and in the first line he sings acapella "My mind's telling me no..but my body...my body's telling me yes..." and as I sat in my room contimplating whether or not I wanted to put my shoes on to go workout that is the only thing that was in my head!  I had to laugh out loud (or "lol" for you generation thumbers out there) because I really didn't unerstand what the heck that song had to do with my workout...well...as it turns out...the song had nothing to do with it...but those words rang true in my head.  Of course my body wasn't telling me yes...I absolutely hate going to the gym...and...although I think my trainer is a great person...I could do without him being in my face a couple of times a week...but could I live without it??? Maybe.  I could live.  I could live fat and unhealthy.  I could live a sedentary lifestyle, on medications, no motivation...but is that really living?  No. It's not.  I know that because that is the place that I am coming from.  The place that I am trying my darndest to get away from.  It's hard.  Real hard.  There are times when I am in the middle of my workout and I feel like crying...not because it's the greatest thing in the world and I am deeply moved by it all but because that shit is hard!!!  But you know what...I've gotten through it.  Don't consider me an expert or anything...I am only three weeks into this...I still doubt my ability to actually git er done...but every time I step out of that gym, when I am finished, I feel like I have moved a mountain...and well...at 250 pounds I've really moved at least a small hill!!!  Today's workout was a good one for me.  I am tired but relaxed and I am expecting to have a great night's sleep!  I will feel my aches tomorrow and I do look forward to that because that means I did some good work today. I still need to work out the whole eating right thing.  I'm doing way better than I used to...but I could use some more discipline in that department.  I won't beat myself up over it though.  As long as I am breathing I have another opportunity...and these days...I'm breathing a little bit easier...

Work It!!!

Yesterday I celebrated my 39th birthday.  It's seems so weird to me to say I'm 39 years old.  I never really appreciated how long that is until yesterday.  I am not one who is trying to fight the clock to stay forever young.  I will take my wrinkles and my age spots, the aches and the prolapsed bladder, as it all comes along.  I will not however waste any more of this precious gift we call time.  I've been sick for about a week.  Body aches, fever, and one of the worst coughs I have ever had in my life.  At one point I was considering some old world medicine (aka a shot of tequila) to see if that would help...instead I opted for a shot of antibiotics right into my untoned patooty and that took care of everything except for this cough.  Since I couldn't breathe to begin with I figured exercise was out of the question.  I have been seeing a trainer for two weeks now.  Well, yeah, this is the second week and I assumed my cough was my get-out-of-sore-muscles-free card...but...we all know what happens when we assume something.  So I went to the trainer today and he said we would "take it easy" which made me really happy.  Of course I should of asked him whose definition of "take it easy" was he talking about because easy it absolutely was not!  My shoulders and arms are killing me.  In fact even as I type this my elbows and shoulders are locked i a position and the only thing moving are my wrists and fingers.  If there is something set above my head today that I will die if I cannot get to then I guess I'm gonna be hittin' the dusty trail! But I must admit that mentally....it felt great walking out of there knowing I had finished my workout. Knowing in my heart how much I wanted to cancel today. I can do this. Not without complaining...not without a little help from the people that love me...but I can do this. This is a conversation I had with my husband afterward:

Me: Can you believe that even after the trainer heard me coughing and gasping for so  he just said "okay Jeanette lets do 2 more sets".

Hubster: Yes

Me: What do you mean yes?

Hubster: Because that's his job.

And when I hung up the phone I thought about my role in all of this...My job. And I realize that that is how I need to see all of this weight loss journey (because from now on I refuse to call it a struggle!). As my job. I need to do it everyday. I need to realize how great the benefits are. How blessed I am to have  this job...and in the end...after I've punched in my hours and given it all I got....I get to cash one hell of a fat check (my health!). And I think....though it's not the easiest job I ever had, it'll definitely be the one I will never regret!!!