Today's Thoughts

There's a song by R. Kelly called "Bump N' Grind" (ridiculous...I know...but stay with me) and in the first line he sings acapella "My mind's telling me no..but my body...my body's telling me yes..." and as I sat in my room contimplating whether or not I wanted to put my shoes on to go workout that is the only thing that was in my head!  I had to laugh out loud (or "lol" for you generation thumbers out there) because I really didn't unerstand what the heck that song had to do with my workout...well...as it turns out...the song had nothing to do with it...but those words rang true in my head.  Of course my body wasn't telling me yes...I absolutely hate going to the gym...and...although I think my trainer is a great person...I could do without him being in my face a couple of times a week...but could I live without it??? Maybe.  I could live.  I could live fat and unhealthy.  I could live a sedentary lifestyle, on medications, no motivation...but is that really living?  No. It's not.  I know that because that is the place that I am coming from.  The place that I am trying my darndest to get away from.  It's hard.  Real hard.  There are times when I am in the middle of my workout and I feel like crying...not because it's the greatest thing in the world and I am deeply moved by it all but because that shit is hard!!!  But you know what...I've gotten through it.  Don't consider me an expert or anything...I am only three weeks into this...I still doubt my ability to actually git er done...but every time I step out of that gym, when I am finished, I feel like I have moved a mountain...and well...at 250 pounds I've really moved at least a small hill!!!  Today's workout was a good one for me.  I am tired but relaxed and I am expecting to have a great night's sleep!  I will feel my aches tomorrow and I do look forward to that because that means I did some good work today. I still need to work out the whole eating right thing.  I'm doing way better than I used to...but I could use some more discipline in that department.  I won't beat myself up over it though.  As long as I am breathing I have another opportunity...and these days...I'm breathing a little bit easier...