Have to...

Well I am happy to report that I had a great week!!! I stayed on my healthy eating path and exercised for at least 30 minutes everyday...okay...so if any of you are calling me on my crappy lie...you're right!!!  I didn't do any of it!!! My intentions were good...my efforts were bleh.  I had the thought of joining a boot camp thing for a month.  Then I realized that it's the exact same day and time as babygirl's dance class...so that won't work.  When I think about it though I guess I'm never gonna have time if I don't make time...because there is always something else I have to do.  Do you ever feel like your whole life is "have to"...sometimes I do...but when I'm tired from working and I start complaining that I have to work...I try to remember the tens of thousands of people in this country who would work anywhere that would take them...when I complain that I have to make dinner...I try to remind myself of how blessed I am just to have food...and if food is such a blessing then why on earth do I curse my body with it??? Good question, no answer.  Maybe some day...I said this today at lunch.  Sitiing around the break room with some co-workers.  Somehow the subject of my dad came up and I was telling them that every day I beg him to just come to me...give me a sign that he can hear me...and every day so far I've gotten nothing...so maybe some day.  I was thinking about the things that I never did with my dad.  Things that I'll never do with him.  I am trying to remain grateful for what I did have.  I mean, he and I didn't have to spend time together...we wanted to.  And how awesome is that.  I think when kids are young, parents really don't have much of a choice to be or not be around our kids.  I mean not really.  But when children become adults we do have a choice.  He didn't have to like me and I didn't have to like him.  Love would always be there...almost by default...but like...we have to work on like.  And I'm glad to say I seriously liked him and I think he liked me to...enough to come to me in my dreams and give me one of his giant hugs??? I sure hope so!  Maybe some day...I'll let you know about it!!!