Almost Time

Oh man...as it gets closer to 4:00 (the time we will escort my dad to the church) the more my stomach is turning.  Even though I feel like I can't do this...I know that I do not have a choice.  I know that I will make it through...and that, eventually, I will be okay.  This whole week has just been a roller coaster of emotions for me.  Yesterday we celebrated my babygirl's 8th birthday...so of course it was a joyous occassion! When I had that girl I was very ill and the doctors were very worried...but we both pulled through.  I am thankful for my daughter, so grateful that God chose me to be her mother.  Yesterday I had a huge reason to grieve, but I also realized that I have a whole lot of reasons to rejoice as well...and I can't forget that.  I can't and won't allow myself to ge so deep into my sadness that I forget or ignore the things that make me happy.  What was never done between me and my dad will never be done.  What has been done cannot be re-done or undone.  He is in heaven and the only thing I can do is wait for the day that we are united there once again.  I miss him dearly and think of him all day.  I even look for him walking down the street when I am driving around town...could've sworn I saw him a couple of times...but I know that's not real...just wishful thinking between my heart and my mind.  So...(taking a deep breath)...here we go...