Vincent Peyron, Sr.

My dad died today.  I sat here for a few minutes and read that first sentence over and over again.  Not because I needed to be reminded, but because it still doesn't feel real.  It is real though.  It's sad.  It's overwhelming...it is very real.  My mom and dad lived together until I was around 6.  He was abusive to my mom and, even though she decided she wanted a better life, he decided he wanted a better life for us too so he's the one that ended it.  Of course they saw each other off and on.  And I can definately say that they never stopped loving each other.  But a life of our family all being together wasn't part of God's plan for us.  In a way I am very thankful...in another way I always wonder what I missed.  I've had a good life...even without him in it as much as I would have liked.  These past two years though we had become more close.  We would have lunch together, talk about the past, talk about the future.  Talk about things we loved about this world and things that we would love to change.  We had a good relationship in the end...and I am thankful for that.  He had a problem with alcohol.  He was an alcoholic.  I loved him when he was drunk just as much as I did when he was sober...I didn't want to be around him for as long of a period of time...but I still loved him.  He was (...was...) very wise.  Gave excellent advice!  He made a difference in my life and the way I saw some things these past couple of years.  He made so much sense when he talked and he had so much life experiences (good and bad) to back all of the talk up.  He was handsome.  Once I heard someone say he looked like a man that would be on a soap opera.  He was a great singer (that's where I got it from) and he played one hell of a guitar (...I'm going to Kansas City, Kansas City here I come...).  Past tense words...was...played...talked...gave...ugh I cannot believe this.  I am so sad...as I imagine there are many poeple sad about this loss that we have experienced today, about this great burden that we have to bear...What makes me feel better is that my dad has no more burdens.  He has no more sadness. Doesn't have to fight alcoholism anymore.  He is at peace...which is really what we all strive for in this world I think. I will miss him forever and I will always long for more moments with him...because even though we had alot of good times together...it will never ever be enough.  I tried to eat today...vomitted it up...my stomach is in knots my mind is in a fog.  Time is not a luxury that we are fortunate to have.  Every day is a gift.  If I keep saying I'll start that tomorrow...one of these days (God willing another 40 years from now) I will not be able to because my life here on earth will be over.  I didn't want to learn this lesson this way...but...it is what it is.  I love you dad. Rest in peace with my Aunt Stella (who my mom is convinced met you in heaven) and keep me in your heart...because everywhere I am...you will be there in mine.