Breathe In Breathe Out

I spent thee best day with my girls today...we went to the Pantages theater in Hollywood and saw a stage production of Annie...and as those little girls on the stage started singing I couldn't help but feel envious of them...because it was obvious that they were all doing what they were put on this planet to do...and I was sitting there...40 years young...feeling jealous because I have been holding my breath trying to figure out what I was put on this planet for...and it sucks to feel that way...but eventually I pushed past it and was able to just enjoy the show...which was amazing...next was lunch at Pink's (because when in LA why on earth wouldn't I eat at Pink's)...and yeah it's just a hot dog spot but a friend of mine once sold me on the fact that it wasn't just a hot dog spot...it was thee hot dog spot...and...since I have enjoyed myself there a few times I went ahead and took the Mahomies there for dinner...of course the food was good...but what they really enjoyed was that there was a film crew there shooting some type of reality show...and they were right in the middle of all of the action...of course they were also slapped with the truth that reality shows are not at all reality...as the crew shot the scenes several times...but they still enjoyed the experience and I was very glad that they had that...from there it was on to the Santa Monica Pier...and while that's not anything new for us the drive over there was nothing short of amazing...because when a 14 year old girl with the world on her shoulders starts talking freely about everything you wanted to know you make the drive as long as possible...and it was great...and it was cathartic for her...and it brought me to a place of peace with her that I haven't had in awhile...by the time we got to our destination we were blasting the rap music (even though Chloe is a fan of gangster rap Lecrae is what ended up on our playlist)...we enjoyed the ferris wheel...and the cool sea breeze...we sat in the sand and talked...listened to music...laughed and cried...we enjoyed the sights and sounds of the people around us and the (ahem) familiar scent of marijuana in the air...well...the girls didn't enjoy that...but I admit I kinda did...and on the way home I introduced my niece (because baby girl knocked out) to some of the sweet love songs I used to enjoy back in the day ("Still In Love" by Troop, Force MD's "Tender Love") and I spoke to her of the boys that those songs reminded me of...it was fun to remember those boys...as the woman I am now can handle that conversation...and as I watched Chloe drift off to sleep I couldn't help but pray for her and for baby girl...but most of all I prayed for myself...to be able to understand what they go through...to be able to remember what it was like when I was a girl...the things that were important and the things that broke my heart...and I prayed that I could do right by them now...as the adult that was divinely chosen to show them life...because lately I can't find my own way...so how am I supposed to help them find theirs?  I realized then that helping them find their way isn't my job...my job is to love them unconditionally and do whatever comes along with that...and I'm ready and equipped to do that...I read a quote that says "Don't count how many breaths you take, but moments that take your breath away.."...and I realize that...life itself takes my breath away...the love and the hate...the good and the bad...the victories and the losses...all of it takes my breath away...so as it turns out...I haven't been holding my breath waiting for life...I have been living it...and just trying to catch my breath along the way...so my words of wisdom tonight friends are simple...just breathe...but be aware of every breath...and don't waste a single one...