Remember What?

The other day I read something that a friend of mine posted on instagram (because social media is the only thing to do this day and age) and I must admit that, at first read, I loved it.  A picture of a woman jogging with a beautiful landscape in front of her, and this is what it said:

 

REMEMBER HOW

 

YOU'RE CLOTHES DON'T FIT

YOUR BODY FEELS SLUGGISH

YOUR SKIN DOESN'T GLOW

YOU DON'T HAVE ENERGY

YOU WANT TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL

YOU'RE REGRETTING WHAT YOU ATE

YOU'RE WISHING YOU WORKED OUT

YOU WANTED TO CHANGE

 

BEFORE MAKING ANOTHER UNHEALTHY CHOICE

 

My immediate reaction was "Yes! I'm stealing this!" and I imagined sharing it to everyone on my Facebook so that my friends who are also on a get healthy journey could be inspired by these powerful words.  However, when I had a chance to think it out (which happened while I was standing in the shower) I realized that there was no way that I can share this...because the words are powerful...but not in the right way.  Truth is I don't think any of us who are working on bettering ourselves need to be reminded of all the shitty ways making a bad choice can make us feel.  We know it.  We live it.  We deal with it.  While I am trying to lose weight and get my health back I need to be encouraged by the great things that are happening...not made to feel like a loser because I ate french fries (which...I will NEVER regret!!!)  Some days are good...and some days could be better...but all days are blessings....and blessings and curses are choices...and I choose to stay, feel, and believe that I am blessed.  So I choose to re-write this little ditty as an homage to my efforts...and to YOUR efforts too...because every little step we take (admit it...your singing it to...) counts in a big, big way.  And a Hershey's with Almonds now and then cannot erase the fact that day to day you (me, we) are getting better at this...(getting better at what?)...getting better at living!  So today I ask you to...

 

REMEMBER HOW



Your clothes didn't fit...BUT EVENTUALLY YOU GOT BACK INTO THOSE JEANS!

Your body felt sluggish...BUT SLOWLY YOUR GETTING YOUR ENERGY BACK!

Your skin didn't glow...BUT YOU SURE DO SHINE DURING ZUMBA CLASS!

You don't have energy...BECAUSE YOU WALKED 2 MILES TODAY!

You want to feel beautiful...AND YOU DO FEEL BEAUTIFUL, BECAUSE YOU TRULY BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

You're regretting what you ate...BUT RANCH TASTES REALLY GOOD ON CARROTS,AND IT'S OKAY TO HAVE IT EVERY NOW AND THEN!

You're wishing you worked out...AGAIN?  YOU ALREADY WALKED 2 MILES!

You wanted  to change...AND YOU ARE CHANGING. AND IT'S GOOD. AND IT'S YOUR WAY, AT YOUR PACE, IN YOUR TIME. AND THAT IS PERFECT FOR YOU!

 

AND IT'S OKAY IF YOU MAKE AN UNHEALTHY CHOICE. DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT.  JUST VOW TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME!

 

 

(Stepping back and taking a good look....)  Yeah...that's better!







There's a Moon Out Tonight

I've been feeling really different lately.  I can't explain the difference as much as I can feel it.  The best way is to say that I'm enjoying life more.  I am appreciating every minute of my life and seeing it for what it is...a very special gift.  I'm learning that I really don't need to sweat the small stuff...and I don't need to sweat the big stuff either...because stuff (whether it be big or small) is going to happen...and sometimes it's gonna be good...and sometimes it's gonna be bad...but there is a 100% chance that "stuff" is always going to be so I'm trying to see things from a new perspective.  Trying to listen more than I speak (which is so flipping hard!!!) Trying to ask more questions so that I truly understand.  Trying to be more patient instead of being quick to tell somebody to (ahem) "F- all the way off!!!" (which I am ashamed to admit I have done more than once.)  I started out by telling myself I can teach my daughter so much by showing her how her mom can keep it together...but I'm also learning that teaching her how to deal with things when they fall apart is even more valuable.  So as I travel on this road of self discovery I would like to touch on a subject every man loves to talk about (tag James Blaylock!) - menstruation.  I hate to be on my period.  I hate the pain and the discomfort and the other things that go along with it that I will not get into because living it is enough!  But when I heard someone once refer to their period as being on their "moon" I was impressed to research and learn exactly what that meant.  For those of you that don't know I am Native American Indian.  My dad belonged to the Tule River Tribe.  I am not an "enrolled" member of the tribe...and I won't pretend to know everything about it because I don't know much.  I didn't grow up on the reservation, I was brought up in a Mexican home...but I will tell you that when I started my job on that reservation it felt like home to me.  I love the people (my people), I love the traditions (my traditions), and I love the feeling I get when I am on the land (my land).  When I first started my job I didn't know if I would fit in...my dad always told me not to forget who I am, and that helped a lot.  I am proud of my history.  Now as an adult it is up to me to learn what I missed out on all these years...so that I can teach my daughter...and she can teach her daughter too.  So I can make the tribe part of my present and part of my future, not just part of a past that I lost.  So of course researching menstruation and Native American culture was very interesting.  I wasn't sure if I was going to find much but I was glad I did.  I don't know if the things I read vary based on beliefs of different tribes but what I learned is that there is a beautiful way to look at this very natural part of a woman's life that many refer to as a curse.  I'm not going to site my sources here...because I'm not quite sure of them all...but I am paraphrasing most things I learned...and I do not own anything that is not originally mine (that disclaimer out of the way we will move on...)  One web-site I looked on referred to moon-time as "A place of honor and beauty (Does anyone else from generation x remember that song "Things That Make You Go Hmmm???)  So I read on to find out that moon time is a way to replenish a woman by washing away all of the burdens that she carries.  It is a combination of Grandmother Ocean and Grandmother Moon working together to help to purify us and during that time we embody the power of the moon.  (Awesome-ness!!!) Of course this means we must be careful because any lesser power will flow to us as a stronger power during that time...so we have to be mindful not to get into arguments and things that will attract negative power.  Now, I don't know about you, but I absolutely love this belief, and I will incorporate it into my life from this cycle on (yes...I realize I just told everyone in the world that I'm on my period...) but I don't consider that a bad thing anymore.  I will consider it a blessing to be able to harness that power and pray, and learn what I need to learn, and discipline myself to stay away from things that threaten that power.  How does this all relate to my eating habits?  Well truth is when it's my moon-time I eat chocolate...and a lot of it!!!  I noticed today that I also use this time as an excuse to pretty much indulge in whatever I want...because I have an "excuse"...but what I have learned in my studies is that I am not honoring myself by practicing those behaviors...and surely the power of the moon is stronger than the power of a craving for a Hershey's with almonds (or two...or three...)

What Is Love?

When I love something I love it and that's it.  Sometimes I love it to life...sometimes I love it to death...and if you've ever loved something so much that you feel like you're going to explode then you know exactly what I mean by that.  When does enough become enough?  When does too much feel like too much?  When it comes to love, can it ever really be a bad thing?  Yeah.  I think so.  It depends on what it is your loving.  It depends on whether or not what you're loving is able, and more importantly, willing to love you back.  I believe that love given must be reciprocated at some point in time...or it's not healthy. It's not healthy because even if you give and give and give love and never get any back you can't ever run out.  Meaning you can continue to give and give and give because it doesn't go away.  And love makes you do things that you don't think through...and sometimes it makes you desperate...and sometimes it makes you shameless...and none of those words I just used should ever be as a result of love.  Not real love.  Not "love never fails" love.  So if it isn't love, then what is it?  I think it can be memories.  I think it can be the longing of times or feelings past.  I think it can be the wishing and desperation for that thing that you love to maybe, just maybe, be able to show you love back.  But let's face it, that doesn't happen.  And there is no way we can make it happen.  Because if it isn't then it just isn't.  So how does all of this apply to my diet/weight loss journey?  Well...I've been indulging a lot this past week.  I know why.  No emotional binges crazy excuses...I've just been really busy...and busy equals fast food in my life.  At the beginning of the week I felt disgusted by what I was eating (because God forbid I ever eat a SALAD from a place where I can get a good cheeseburger)  but right now as I finished my bowl of chocolate chip cookies with vanilla ice cream I thought to myself "I love to eat this food"...but you know what...that's a lie.  I don't love it...I don't even like it anymore...and that's what I love.  Food can't love me like I can love me...and I do...I love me.  I love how I can tie my shoes now.  I love that I can finish a T25 workout and not feel like I'm dying.  I love that I can do 125 squats at one time....I love me...and that's the kind of love that never fails.  Even when I have bas food choice days...of which I have had plenty of this past week...I can love me anyway...and that is the sweetest victory.  In the words of the late great Miss Whitney Houston learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all (I love the fact that I grew up in the 80's!!!) 

As I was typing this post I had to leave to pick up my niece (who is the coolest girl on the planet) but anyway...it sucked cause I lost my train of thought.  As I read it back though I have to admit I wonder what all of this love talk is really about...and as I reflect on my day I can't think of anything that would provoke these thoughts other than what I've already talked about...but...if I come up with something else I will definitely let you know!

Hello...I've Missed You!!!

Forgive me followers for I have let you down!!!  It's been months and months since my last "confession" and I've missed it so much.  I could give you a million excuses why, make up some cool stuff, but the real reason is pretty lame.  My computer was broken.  That's it.  It was old and just kept getting slower and slower (wow that sounds too familiar!!!) and one day it just hit the dusty trail (like my dad used to say.)  I tried to blog on my tablet a few times but for some reason that was just a very frustrating experience for me...so I gave up for awhile.  But today my beautiful niece, who I call my sister, who I love like a daughter, gave me a new laptop for mother's day!  Now she's 12 and she doesn't have a job so I'm figuring she didn't pay for it...but I am so grateful...because now it brings me back to you!!!   Ugh...so much to say....not sure where to begin.  So when we last left off I had a trainer...yeah...not anymore.  Don't get me wrong...I love him and his work.  I hated going there but loved what I accomplished once we were done.  The problem is I started working part time so I could help my daughter with her school work...and well...something had to be eliminated from the monthly bills.  Against my husband's wishes I stopped going to the trainer and decided to save that $140 per month.  I have since continued to exercise...although I admit not as hard core...but I am staying motivated.  I would love to give you a weight update but I haven't weighed myself in awhile. My clothes are getting more and more loose on me so I'll take that as a good sign.  I've gone through lazy days and days with overflowing motivation.  I've been pleased with myself some days then went through periods of extreme self degradation. (Hey that rhymed...word jazz...)  And through it all the truth remains...losing weight is hard to do...but...it's not impossible.  I started doing T25 (does any one know if Shawn T is gay...not that it matters...just wondering) and I like that work out a lot.  I'm also doing something called a "guns, buns, and abs" challenge for 30 days of which I am on day 3...and...in the words of Tai Frasier (see Clueless)..my buns...they don't feel nothin' like steel...but that's okay because I imagine by the end of the challenge that will be different.  And f course I always have to throw a Zumba class in there at least a couple times a week because #1 I love it and #2 I love it!!!  I am blessed to be alive today...but I am even more blessed that I feel alive today...and there is a big difference between the two!!!